Peter Elbling's The Vinégar Jonesy Chronicles



Peter Elbling is Sour Mr. VinégarJonesy on the veranda railingJonesy had been going out by himself for about a month when the incident with the crows occurred. I usually let him out as soon as I awoke and always left bowls of food and water on the porch before I went to work. Several times as I left, I saw Jonesy sitting on the veranda railing eyeing the crows that sometimes swooped down from the roof just out of his reach.

Then they would inevitably perch on a nearby telephone line and mock him with their familiar Caw! Caw! Caw! Once or twice I heard Jonesy making a strange throaty cooing sound, but whether he thought a bird might mistake the sound for one of their own or if he did it out of sheer frustration I do not know but I empathized with him.

Ms. Graben at Maps and Globes often made a similar cawing laugh when I presented my ideas at our weekly meeting, and I often found myself making strange noises in the back of my throat in lieu of my reaching out and throttling her.

When I returned in the evening Jonesy was always hungry and so I fed him again. Despite his ravenous appetite he grew quite slowly. It wasn’t till I returned home unexpectedly one morning that I understood the reason for the slow rate of Jonesy’s growth.

Walking up the back stairs I heard a terrible cawing and screeching. I raced round the corner and had to fight my way through several vicious shrieking crows. Swatting them away I saw Jonesy, all four pounds of him, standing defiantly by his bowls of food. He had a feather in his mouth. The crows had obviously been helping themselves to his food which the poor little fellow was desperately trying to protect. From then on I made sure that he ate before I left and he very quickly gained the right weight for his age.

Jonesy wants to talk so bad he’s salivating all over the couch….


Jonesy's thinking. Mr. Vinégar blog. Peter Elbling.As usual Mr. V got it all wrong! Yes, the crows were stealing my food but I was letting them! I wanted them to get so comfortable that they’d forget all about me and then BANG! I’d pounce! As it is, one of them will be peeing in their pants for years to come (if they had pants). They’d been after me from the first time Mr. V let me out by myself. One day I was giving myself a back rub in the backyard when I saw the biggest nastiest crow up in the tree above me.

The biggest, nastest crow smallHe was acting like he wasn’t interested when suddenly he flew down with his claws outstretched towards my belly. I twisted around and tried to get out of the way but I wouldn’t have made it if Prince had not come flying out of nowhere and nearly taken the crow’s head off. You all right? Prince asked. I nodded. Prince walked off but just him saying that to me made my day! I promised myself I would get that crow and make Prince proud.

So when the crows first started taking my food I hung back, figuring I would wait a while. The morning Mr. V’s talking about I was hiding around the corner waiting till the crows had stuffed themselves. Then I charged out and before they could fly away I grabbed one of their wings. The crow screamed and cawed but I wouldn’t let go. It was great! I was so into it I didn’t hear Mr. V until I saw him come running around the corner swatting his arms like he was being attacked! For a split second I lost my concentration, the crow wrenched away and I was left with a mouth full of feathers. But the next time…You better believe the NEXT time I’ll get him.


If you can’t remember who Prince is, click HERE to read the blog where Prince is introduced.

If you want to read about the time when Prince and Jonesy first met click HERE.


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