Click below to hear Mr. Vinégar read this passage.
Jonesy’s Girlfriend By Mr. Vinégar
I was eating breakfast the other morning when I heard a plaintive meow. I knew it wasn’t Jonesy – his meow is demanding – and besides he was on my bed grooming himself. The door was open for it was a hot day and upon looking up I saw a tortoiseshell butter ball with short stubby legs, and a thick dark brown coat flecked with orange and black standing in the doorway. What do you want? I said, reaching for my broom. Feral cats are common in this area and the last thing I needed was an attack of rabies. The cat meowed in a pathetic way cocking its head to one side as it did so. The cat had meowed loud enough for Jonesy to hear but he hadn’t made the slightest effort to see what the fuss was about.
Curious, I wandered into the bedroom and was surprised to find that the cat had followed me. It either didn’t have the courage to jump onto the bed or because of its size wasn’t able to. Jonesy didn’t even bother looking up but continued to clean himself. It occurred to me that the cat couldn’t be a male for Jonesy would have challenged it ,but since he treated it in such a cavalier manner it must be female – and a love-struck one at that. In any event, the cat returned to the kitchen, ambled over to Jonesy’s food corner, and scoffed down some hard pellets.
At the sound of the crunching Jonesy shot out of the bedroom. Fearing there might be an altercation I reached for the broom again but if anything Jonesy seemed a little cowed at the sight of the cat eating his food and ran to the door. She followed and there they paused, he on one side of the door she on the other, before they both went downstairs. Since then this cat has appeared every morning at my door with the same plaintive cry, as if to say, Is Jonesy here? I find this mating ritual rather amusing and look forward to seeing how it plays out.
Click below to hear Jonesy read this passage.
It is NOT a mating ritual! Geez! Nothing’s going on, okay! We just hang that’s all. And for your information, her name is Mami. She lives with the lady a couple of doors down. When Prince first took me there she said to me, This is my place and my food and this is my spot. Ignore her, Prince said, so I did. I went back the next day by myself, had something to eat, watched some TV, slept and then I left. She didn’t say anything. A couple of times, just to be polite, I asked if she wanted to hang out or go rat hunting but she barely looked at me. But that all changed after my fight with Prince. This time when I came in she jumped off the couch came up to me and said, Are you all right? I heard you hurt your paw. It was nothing, I shrugged. It’s all healed now. That Prince was a real jerk, she said. I hope you gave it to him good! She said it real angry like, which surprised me.
Since then we’ve been hanging out. She always gives me the best spot on the couch if I want to watch television and she always leaves some salmon for me if the lady gives it to her. But that’s it! She’s okay I guess but she’s not really my type. She’s too shy. And clingy. I got to be free, you know what I mean? And you can’t be free if you got some clingy female following you around everywhere.